After talking about the items of clothing that in my opinion look awful on men, we are going to talk about those which I find look really horrible on women. And I say this because all of the items of clothing that I am going to refer to are full of exceptions and everything depends, of course, on who is wearing them but generally and according to your own opinions that you kindly provided, I have developed the following list of those items that almost everyone considers vulgar and un-wearable.
Who has a mirror, it is a treasure!
In theory they aren’t so horrible, the problem is that some women decide to wear those that don’t leave much to the imagination.
Why are they horrible? Because they are vulgar, common and from my point of view I don’t see anything feminine about all the attributes Mother Nature has given you ‘jumping’ into sight.
It’s a style that doesn’t end with the dress because it is usually accompanied by an impossibly high heel, bouffant hair, overdone makeup and hoop earrings that could support a parrot.
An item of clothing that was invented in order to wear underneath camisoles or short dresses or sometimes to do sport in or to do some type of physical, not mental, rehabilitation in. We all know that children and drunks always speak the truth. You can now add leggings to that list. This garment has done a lot of damage to humanity!
There is nothing uglier, nothing more horrible than white boots.
In the winter they are impossible and in the summer absurd.
They are the worst! Vulgar, common, tacky and almost circus.
Panther, tiger, zebra, cow … as a pet. Be careful with animal prints!
On the topic of animal prints there is a rule we must follow to the letter: if you have passed the barrier of 15 years old: never, never buy a garment with lion print on it if it is not from an expensive shop or from an expensive brand. It’s a print that on lycra, acetate or polyester is the epitome of vulgarity, of bad taste, of commonness. And it will make you sweat! You will seem like a lioness on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
It’s only pretty if it is good quality, for example if it an expensive brand. In silk, chiffon, satin … but always in natural colours and without using too much of it.
Hufff, here there are no concessions of any kind! Neither thin, nor with a figure, nor a top model from Victoria’s Secret can pull it off. It’s the most absurd garment every created. It’s something like ‘I want a swimsuit although really I’m more of a bikini but I can’t decide.’ Unfeasible.
I try to imagine what the body of a ‘trinkinista’ will look like after a day at the beach. More marks that a shirt from La Martina. Just scary.
I’ve seen this many times and it always leaves me perplexed. Bag, shoes, scarf, watch, earrings, necklace, rings, bracelets all the same colour. All the same tone as the clothes.
Where do they buy matching items? And above all why dress like a smurf?
It’s horrific. It’s ugly. It’s vulgar. It’s cheesy and above all it is unnecessary that people give us a display of monochrome plastic. Life in plastic is not fantastic! Never become a Barbie.
But I would think it just as awful if we spoke of emeralds, rubies or sapphires. More power is not less vulgar. Never wear everything the same. Never wear ‘everything’ at once.
How pretty are well worn heels and how scary are some of those that we see on the street.
Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re wearing the heels or if the heels are wearing you. This way of walking is unnatural, so vast and unladylike that not only do some of these shoes hurt your feet but there is also the risk of returning home in an ambulance. I oblige the designer of these shoes to walk the streets of any country for a full day and fulfil the penance put on their own creation. Although those that buy the shoes haven’t committed a lesser crime.
They aren’t elegant and they aren’t sexy because they don’t allow you to walk like a woman but make you walk like you are on a tightrope.
Whoever invented these trousers must have a lot to hide.
They feel bad and are made horribly. But worst of all is that they don’t allow you to walk properly. They give the impression that the wearer is desperately looking for a bathroom.
They always look absurd, but the worst is that if you already have a sloppy look, wearing this garment will make you look like a man.
There is nothing scarier than a masculine woman.
This is what some grandmas have worn! If you are cold, you wrap up well and you don’t tie a scarf round your leg. And to explain how unflattering they are – they will make your leg look ten times bigger.
For a version with heels or with a tennis shoe … I cannot breathe!
Here I must sing the ‘mea culpa’ because in my younger days I was one of these absurd people that put something that was invented to stop you hurting your feet in the sea or to stop small fish with bad intentions of stinging your feet, on to go out in the street. But the worst ideas return. And they don’t return alone, they return innovated, horrible, saying times change is outrageous, and behind this heel or this platform there is a team of designers racking their brains on what to offer us with the jelly shoe of the century. Horrible, absurd, grotesque, frightening. And thank goodness they have not become attached to the pearl coloured cotton socks, a blunder that some have not yet overcome.
I would like to thank each and every one of you for your collaboration in the two entries on garments which have proved impossibly fun. Thank you.
Translation by Emma Tweed